he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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