Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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