her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My penis needs a shock collar
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
