Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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