Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize