I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
