my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
