I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
