I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
