I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
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You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
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You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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