You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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