So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
