I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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