can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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