FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
