I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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