apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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