he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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