omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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