we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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