There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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