The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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