i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
