you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
