am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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