Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
