she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
