Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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