this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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