Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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