I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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