i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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