someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
