tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
