I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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