So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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