Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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