I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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