D3 body, D1 cock
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
