I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
