try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
