We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
