what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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