God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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