Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
