take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
