You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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