I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
wow bdsm is so cute
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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