i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
