so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
