if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
