From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
