Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You just made me feel so damn special
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
