i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
