help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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