Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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