Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just pynch a tree in the face
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
