I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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