Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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