The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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