I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
