Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
