Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
