rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
BRING THE BAGELS
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
