I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There's always time for handjobs
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
