You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
