Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize