I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
