I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
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we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
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You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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