I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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