am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
MIDGETS
????
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
